Like many people, I mourn the passing of former NFL quarterback Steve McNair, who was a victim of a murder/suicide this past Saturday. When I think about fate, I see in his life and death a compelling lesson. People die all the time, and quite often, their death is in some way influenced by the decisions they made while alive. For example, my former sister-in-law died as a result of methadone prescribed for her by the doctor. She chose to take this medication, she chose to go to this doctor, and so even though we can blame the doctor and/or the health care system in this country (she only got the methadone because the insurance company would not pay for the alternative) her own decisions have to be factored in. Even so, it was a pointless death and she was in far less control of the circumstances than somebody like Steve McNair.

Here is a married father of four engaged in an illicit affair with a woman almost half his age. His decisions, his choices, demonstrate what I’m talking about when I say we create or shape our own fate. His decisions brought him to the point in which, while apparently asleep on the couch, his mistress fired a round into his temple, and then fired four more into his body before killing herself. Reports are that she felt she was losing him, and/or that she believed he had another girlfriend (not to mention a wife!).

He chose to cheat on his wife. He chose to be there with this girl the day he died. My father used to have an expression about “keeping your pecker in your pants” in order to avoid a great many complications, and we see the wisdom of his words demonstrated here as well. We all make choices, all the time, every day. As former NFL running back (and former team-mate of McNair’s) Eddie George said, we all do things we later regret. He said he was not in a position to judge, and neither am I judging. However, we have to be aware of how the things we do bring us to where we are now.

Our ancestors believed we shaped our own fate. But a hero could rise above his fate. Beowulf, for example. How do we respond to our situations? Do we bail? Do we blame? Do we accept responsibility? Do we try to rise above it and make it right? That is the measure of the man, in the thought-world of the ancient Heathen. Even a nithling, an outlaw, could be redeemed through his actions.

I am sitting here, where I am, largely on account of decisions I have made. You sit where you sit for the same reasons. Certainly luck and chance have played a roll, however you see those things. The actions of other people have also impacted and influenced our lives. And that is why it is important to know the lineage of those you allow into your lives. Their orlog impacts yours. You tie yourselves to people you deal with and therefore common sense dictates you must be cautious in whom you place your trust (a lesson many young NFL players newly come to money would do well to heed). The important thing is, as Heathens, that we do not blame everyone else for what happens to us. We do not blame society, we do not blame our friends or our enemies or a souless culture. We take responsibility for that part we can control. And if we can, we rise above them.

I’m fond of a little passage from J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings: “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

Indeed. Remember that. Remember there are forces and tides out there beyond your control. But remember also, when all is said and done, that it was you who chose to place your foot outside your door, and which path you take from there.