Asking God for Financial Advice
THIS made me laugh – quite hard. You may laugh too. Crying is also an option, considering what a pathetic possibility this represents to stave off financial disaster:
Would you ever seek financial advice from a place of worship?
Yes 19% 878
No 81% 3674
Total Votes: 4552
As George Carlin said, God is bad with money. He never has enough. He always needs more.
But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit! (from George Carlin’s HBO special, “You Are All Diseased”, recorded live at New York City’s Beacon Theater on February 6, 1999)
With all the hucksters out there fleecing the flocks for god, no sane person would ask a minister for financial guidance. Many of them will tell you to tithe, to give your money to the church, and that god will take care of you, or see your money returned in abundance. It’s all lies. People go broke, lose everything, doing such stupid things.
Fortunately, most of the people polled so far (as of just before noon today) seem to understand that going to a church for money advice is a bad option. I feel bad for the 19% who think it’s a good option. They’ll be disappointed. It’s only good advice for the church in question.
Basically, this is another get rich quick scheme. People are desperate and they want to get money in the easiest way possible. But mana from heaven they won’t get. Instead they’ll get treated like a choir boy in a Catholic church.
Hrafnkell Haraldsson is the author of A Heathen’s Day, which since 2005 has addressed the life and thoughts of a modern day Heathen. He is also the founder of the Mos Maiorum Foundation (www.mosmaiorum.org) which is dedicated to the study and support of Paganism as ethnic religion and writes for PoliticusUSA (www.politicususa.com) 
I forget who said this, but I’ve always liked it… “The Lord is my shepherd; considering what generally happens to sheep, I’ll be lucky if I just get fleeced.”
Ok. Attempt #2 because Blogger is pissy today!
First of all, one of my favorite bits by the late great Carlin.
Churches and casinos are essentially the same when it comes to money. Neither have conscience when taking it. They do not care about the source – be it the developmentally disabled, the poor, the desperate, or the addicted. Each of the above are their prey. I’ve witnessed the despicable greed and lack of conscience in both of them. And that money is taken to buy mansions, cars, clothing and other items of luxury from those hoping for promises to be kept that were made out of corruption. It’s truly one of the saddest things to witness. Unfortunately I’ve witnessed it more times than I care to remember.
Erik: I like that!
Pom: I agree. At least casinos admit they’re in the money making businesses but churches hypocritically claim they’re helping you. But you’re right; nothing to choose between them otherwise.
Naturally, I stay away from both.
I dunno. If the church gives out the money-making advice they use, you might do okay.
step one: incorporate as a 501(c)3 and save a whole lotta money on pesky taxes
step two: convince a bunch of credulous idiots that if they don’t give you 10% of their gross earnings, they will burn for all eternity.
step three: convince your credulous idiots to go find more credulous idiots or they’ll burn forever in hell.
step four: repeat steps 2 and 3.
I used to fantasize (not seriously) about establishing my own cult and having my own compound and my own flock of sheep. When you get a compound of your own, you know you have it made! Throw in a few temple prostitutes and don’t look back!
Seriously, I like how you’ve summarized the church money making scheme! Pile on the fear and get rich!
It truely is a sad state of affairs!
When I eventually took my obligatory Catholic blinkers off and started seeing things for how they REALLY are, I was surely horrified by what I saw.
One example is the extreme poverty some of the people in Brazi (and many other countries, of course!) live in…like on mountains of trash where they get their food from as well; and comparing that to the OBSCENE wealth of the church (much of which is stolen from people due to forced conversion and the notorious Nazi gold rumours!).
Most of these people have signed up to the church and would rather live like they do and die or be killed for their faith; in the meantime, not giving a second thought to their leaders finest silk robes, gold rings and stupid-looking hats…all for the false promises of going to a Jewish paradise (or not)!
They live in a perpetual fear perpetrated by hypocritical bigots who don’t give a damn!
As for the rich: “A FOOL and his money are easily parted!”
Rant over…..I’ll get off my soap-box now!
Stu
It was a good rant, Stu, and thank you for sharing it. It is truly sad how rich these churches are and how rather than giving back to their congregations they continually take, while living in fancy houses, driving nice cars and so on and so forth…obscene. Truly obscene.
Pfthth, going to the church for financial advice?! That’s about as logical as burying your money and waiting for a money tree.
Uncensored: Well put!
Hrafnkell,
I’d rather go to hell with my ancestors than go up to heaven after being royally fleeced by the Lord!
People will gush on about how good Christianity is to the poor, but they hardly mention how much money it has made meanwhile.
And they’re good to the poor not for any secular reasons but because they (the poor) are rich in conversion ‘material’.
You go to a Church and the only words you’ll get to hear are “Donate! NOW!”.
Not what people would want to hear, when they’re at the receiving end of a brutal and sluggish market.
As Celsus said, this is an old story. They’ve always been hucksters, preying on others to enrich themselves and grow the brand. The ultimate bait and switch. And not only the “other” is a victim but their own followers are victims, deceived by the Big Lie.
Q. How many televangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one–but to allow us to continue our light-bulb-changing ministry, we need your financial support. Please send your freewill offerings to Box 2948. . . .
Makarios! ROFL What a nice way to start the day, with a good laugh. Excellent!
The thing we need to understand about Christianity and Catholicism in particular is that they are not interested in raising the quality of living of anyone. (Except the already rich and powerful who *clearly* were chosen by their god to be rich).
They believe that suffering and poverty are “graces” from their god. So naturally if you’re poor and you give a donation to the church, you’re *really* holy because you gave until it hurt. I believe there is a story about that in NT too.
Mother Teresa for example took in millions of dollars. What do the Missionaries of Charity have to show for it? Houses built in squalor, their own nuns living in abject poverty, aspirin for painkillers, dirty hospitals, minimal education (which is Catholic catechism based and NOT a real education) and no sign in sight of it getting any better for the “poor of Christ” living and dying in their care.
Where does that money go? No one knows because the MOC in India are the ONLY group that DOESN’T have to make their financial records public. Of course, it goes to the Pope in Rome. We all know that. She was not interested in relieving the suffering of the poor or raising people’s quality of living. She wanted them to remain poor, she wanted to be poor because she believed the suffering and pain were good. It’s a cult of suffering. Period.
Granamyr,
EXCELLENT observations!! I’m so glad you spoke up against, and criticized the MOC.
Many Indians and Hindus in particular, have had suspicions about Mother Teresa’s intentions. Not many had the guts to address their concerns however.
A maid who used to work at my aunt’s place was once the target of MOC’s proselytizing mission and we got to hear of the experience from the maid’s own mouth.
There’s a good book about the MOC’s failure and is called “The
Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice”. Written by Christopher Hitchens it says that she was a political opportunist.
Thank goodness, the truth about the ‘Missionaries of Charity’ and their work and ideals are known to western people like you and when criticism comes it is a sigh of relief!
Ah, Cheeks, you’re welcome for that sigh. Mr. Hitchens’ work is priceless when it comes to exposing the MOC and their “work”. He can be a cranky ole Brit but he’s dang brilliant imo.
Gran, I agree, absolutely. There are some protestant groups – fundamentalists – who can even convince a woman in a wheelchair who is in pain every day that she is not suffering enough for her god. If you’re not suffering, you’re not Christian. Of course, the powers that be are not suffering. They’re leaching off these poor deluded bastards. It’s a very sad state of affairs and I wish there was a way to send out a general wake-up call!
Btw, sorry for the delay in responding but my son is visiting from NY and I haven’t been online much!
Indrani, thanks for the tip about the book!